Taking Care of The Elderly

Planning for the end.

I strong advise you make sure your loved ones (and actually yourself come to think of it.) have a “plan” in place.  This can be as detailed as you would like it to be.  Most of us do not like to think about life ending and can do our best to avoid talking about it and putting a plan in place.  For the sake of your loved ones, just do it.  Once done you can set everything aside and not think about it for years (hopefully years and years and years.) If you have paid for, or otherwise arranged for your final resting place, (veterans or other specialty locations or choices) and are stumped with what to do next, ask the administrator of the facility.  They will either have a “planning packet” or will have suggestions on where to find one.  Otherwise, in this day and age use what we have access to.  Google “Planning a funeral” , or “Planning for end of life”, or something to that effect, and there will probably be a variety of choices.  The down to the bone basics are:

1. Do I have a will?

2. Do I have medical directive?

3. Do I have a POA? (medical AND financial)

4. Have I discussed all of the above with my family/heirs/others?

 

Check into the laws of your state.  There are differences between states so if you move?  DOUBLE CHECK!!!

I am deliberately NOT linking any suggested sites for all of the above, as frankly, this is a subjective and personal matter. If you are completely lost, get help.  There is nothing wrong with getting help!  I can put up a website, sew a dress, and change a tire…but if I need to bake something, or do anything else to a car….well, I am going to be asking my husband to do it.  Try a pastor, a counselor, a teacher.  Contact a social worker. Ask a friend if they have advice or can point you to someone who can help.

Funeral Planning (pre-passing)

 

Make your final wishes known.

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Let me say that again.  Make your final wishes known.  Make sure everyone who might want to “have a say” in the matter knows what they are. The best way to do this is to write it down.  Have it notarized.  Have copies made.  Give them to people. Talk about it.

Here are some ideas on what to cover. (Remember, this is for your physical disposition and your actual funeral, not what you are leaving behind):

1. Physical Disposition

   1. Do you want to be buried? 

   2. Have you already purchased a plot?

   3. If not, do you have a “place” in mind or do you not care?

   4. Do you want to be cremated?

   5. What would you like done with your ashes?

   6. If you truly do not care, then man or woman* up and make choice.  Don’t make your grief-stricken family/loved ones make that choice after you die.

2. Funeral Service

   1. Do you want a religious or secular (non-religious) service?

   2. Do you have a favorite song, reading, poem, rant, or statement you wish read or sung at your funeral?

   3. Do you have people you really want to be there or conversely, people you want to ban from attending?

   4. Do you want an “open floor” or a set program?

   5. Do you want an open casket?

   6. Do you have pictures you want displayed? A specific outfit you would like to wear?

   7. What about jewelry, do you want to “take it with you” or would you rather it go to someone? (think wedding rings and other special items)

3. Internment

   1. This is generally for burials and some cremations – do you want everyone from the funeral/memorial service there? Immediate family? No one?

   2. What do you want on your tombstone? (Check with the cemetery for possible restrictions – and check on how much it will cost!!!)

 

Funeral Preparation – post passing.

First.  This is not fun.  This is hard and painful and always happens at a time you just want to cry or scream or put life on pause. 

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If your loved one has put in the time and done the work, then this is a little bit easier.  Not a lot.

I had a mix of pre-planning and “seat of my pants choices”.  I knew what songs to use, what scriptures to have read…but not by whom or any of the c-g questions in “Funeral planning” above.   I guessed.  I consulted with family members and guessed.  And that was perfectly ok.  As stated before, no one I asked turned me down or were unable to attend and speak. (Including one man who’s wife passed the week before…which I had not known about or I of course would not have asked him.)  I got everyone lined up, and created a program.  Link to sample of program – names removed of course**.  I then sent the program to all the speakers, the man playing “mc”, and to the funeral home.  Then I was able to take a moment and breathe.

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Basically, we had a very rough draft of what to do, and with everyone’s help, we filled in the blank spots.  It was not as hard as it could have been but it could have been easier. 

 

This is a link to a “rough draft” version what I think you should fill out. But please, if you are able then look around.  There are people who do this sort of thing professionally and have much better ideas than I do. 

 

 

*Dual genders used for authors convenience and are in no way meant to exclude or invalidate any person/s who wish to not identify with either gender.

 

**You will notice the symbols that look like, well, ninja stars and the streaking lines on the inside of the program.  Dad was a HUGE Star Trek fan.  The “ninja stars” are the Star Trek symbol repeated in pattern formation, and the streaking lines are the “Warp speed” effect.  This is simply a sample of what I did and is meant to help you and possibly give you ideas.